Sung to the tune of "Volga Boatmen", it's known as the Viking Birthday or Mongol Birthday or SCA Birthday Song.
Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!)
Death and gloom and black despair
People dying everywhere
Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!
Now you are the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
May the candles on your cake
burn like cities in your wake
Fear and gloom and darkness yet
no one found out YOU KNOW WHAT
You're a period cook, its true
ask the beetles in the stew
Now your jail-bait days are done
let's go out and have some fun!
You must marry very soon
baby's due the next full moon
Were I sitting in your shoes
I'd go out and sing the blues
Now you've lived another year
age to you is like stale beer
Long ago your hair turned grey
now it's falling out, they say
It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year
See the wrinkles on your face
Like the pattern of fine lace
Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et
This one lesson you must learn
FIRST you pillage, THEN you burn
While you eat your birthday stew
We will sack a town for you
Death will come before the dawn
Now's the time to party on!
People starving on the earth,
Go ahead, eat your dessert,
Rape the horses while they sleep,
See the women wail and weep
Your ship of fortune arrives at last
Plague death flag nailed to its mast
You hear the pitter patter of little feet
Midget thieves have burgled your keep
Your daughter's face could crack a mirror
Your firstborn son is acting queer
Burn the Castle and storm the keep
Kill the Women but SAVE THE SHEEP!
Hear the women wail and weep,
kill them all but spare the sheep!
May your deeds with sheep and yaks
equal those with sword and axe
Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you
They stole your gold, your sword, your house
They stole your sheep, but not your spouse
so you're 29 again
don't tell lies to your good friend
So another year has passed
don't look now they're gaining fast!
the Black Death has struck your town
you yourself feel quite run-down
We brought you linen, white as clouds
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud!
So far death you have bypassed
Don't look back it's gaining fast
I'm a leper, can't you see
Have a birthday kiss from me
Burn, then rape by firelight
Add -romance- to life tonight!
Birthdays come but once a year,
Marking time as Death draws near
Now you've lived another year,
And your death is drawing near.
Raise your cup of bitter cheer,
Make the barman eat his ear
We like children, yes we do
baked or broiled or in a stew.
Famine, fear, and fire and flood,
Can't keep your face out of the mud.
News that fills our hearts with fear:
They've proved cancer's caused by beer
Just be glad the friends you've got
Haven't found out you-know-what!
Children dying far and near
They say that cancer's caused by beer
Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near,
Now you've reached the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
Like the wrinkles in your lace
time is etched upon your face
when you've reached your age you know
That the mind is first to go
Now you've lived another year
And your death is drawing near
It's your birthday; never fear;
You'll be dead this time next year
Children dying everywhere
Women crying in despair
Typhoid, plague and polio
Coffins lined up in a row
May the children in the street
Be your barbequeing meat
Your friends are here, your enemies too,
We just don't know who is who....
May the women that you see
Not have sense enough to flee.